Abandoned

I grow up not ever knowing my father. I had a step father that raised me and tryed to love me the very best that he could. I think that fighting for what is best for your daughter is the very best thing you can do, but I disagree that if that doesn't work that you never see her. The love of your parents is so important, especially when your small. I am sure that your daughter loves you very much and needs to continue to know that. NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME OF COURT. I do not know if you are a Christain or not but I would like to share something with you. A lot of times people have trouble coming to a relationship with our Heavly Father because they have not had a very good earthly father and they have trouble understanding how God can love them like a father. By the way God loves you very much and wants to help you through this time in your life as well. He can give you the strength to make it through no matter what. It sounds like you have been a very good dad and you need to keep on being a good dad no matter what. I do understand your reasons for saying what your saying but please think long and hard before you make any decisions. Children who are given up at birth have a very hard time understanding why their parents did not keep them. Sometimes people have very good reasons for giving up their children, such as rape, financial and so on. But children only see abandament, most children would chose to be with their parents and have nothing than to be with a rich family and have everything and not have their parents.

You can make a decision not to fight with your wife for the welfare of your child. I know that easy to say and not that easy to do but is she worth it? If you love your child enough to give her up, then don't you love her enough to make mends with your wife enough to work out arrangments to see your daughter. LOVE is not based on quantity but quality. Love her every minute you can get. And pray for her ever minute you can not be with her.

I will be praying for you, your daughter and your wife and for the court date. Please think really hard about your decision because it will not only effect you but your daughter and she may not be able to see that you were doing it for her.

YOUR TIME AND LOVE IS THE VERY BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!!!

Reading your email has made me want to go get my girls and hold them.

I know that Mani would agree with me when I say this. We are here for you, call us and let us know what we can do.

 

Sorry to hear this!

I have a 11 yr old that lives with his mother for now in Florida, between life experiences and haveing seen many growing up in a broken home i must say you need to keep that relationship with your Daugther at all cost. This will hurt on your part as you will be giving alot to hold this as you stated before. Ive been to court and they will make this a madatory thing anyhow. It will be ruff and i dont get along with his mother so yes we have to eat alot of dirt and i always try to tell him to respect her and listen to her regaurdless of my feelings. Its gonna suck and yes its gonna hurt but as she grows and has you as a foundation in life she will see what youve gone threw and her love and respect for you will be tremendous. No one can make this choice for you and it will be hard bro, but f you need to vent or bounce some things off me send me a email and ill give ya my num.


Shads

 

pleas dont put yoreself in the hell i went thrue.beacos of some games my Xwife playd i saw my kids far les than i should have when thay where yung.i tryd to make up for it when thay got older but there is still the harsh fealings of the loss of thet time i could of had whith them.iv always had a strong realayshenship whith my boy but laced some how whith my girl.then when she wus 15 she almost died to a brain hemridge.and evrything changed.we spowk more and tryd to see eachother when we could .we sit around some weakends and hardly say a thing becus she is 18 and i am the father she never realy got to know.then she will get up and walk over to me wile im on the comp and give me a VERY BIG HUG and it just dusint mater any more.she is the world and i am somehow beter beacus of that one hug.she knows that i love her eavin when we dont agry on things and that thats all that maters.

If all you get is one hug a week or one hug a yere thats OK. you think it will be beter for her if you never see eachother agen.then ask her she wut she thinks of never seeing dady agen.

if you think that its beter for you then ask yoreself wut it will feal like when you get the call some day that she wus killd and you have nothing but biter memorys of not seeing her.

if you are talking abowt taking yore own life then she maters lital to you and i have nothing to say..

dont do this to yoreself and DONT you dare do this to yore child.she will never understand.dont let her hate you becus you took her dady away frome her.the easeist thing to do is give up.the hardest is to go on and do the best you can .thats all thay realy want is for you to do yore best..

i know some things i have sead are harsh but i never want you to feal wut i felt the nite i almost lost my litle girl forever.good luck in this you may always PM me and i will reaspond.

 

I wanna Hug Schrike

 

"Abandoned"

...the title of this thread and the way you presented this option of exiting the life of your child tells me this is not something you want, but more like you are playing with this scenario in your head to imagine the suffering it would bring to everyone involved and re-enforce your desire to be there for your daughter for life.

I sometimes take breaks from optimism. I grow weary of fighting and I have to pause and rest and regain strength to go on for worthy cause. It's part of who I am. I retreat to my cave, feel a bit sorry for myself, lick my wounds, and emerge with a better plan and deeper resolve. I think you are much like me, mtx.

Mothers are usually favored in custody battles. Cathy will probably win but that's not a good enough excuse for you to not put forth your best effort. You will regret for the rest of your life if you do any less than your best.

Your relationship with Cathy and with your precious child is not a constant. It will shift throughout your life.

Be like water and fill the voids for your child. <3 to you and your family. Sieze and cherish every moment you can with your little girl.

I hope for the best for all of you, even Cathy...because by default she's part of your family and the happier she is, the happier your child can be.

 

Be your child's friend is what I say. Having been divorced with a child that is now 16, I have been through the ringer to. One thing I found though, early on, is, your not married to her any more. If you treat her kindly, no matter what, she will have nothing bad to be said, nor those around her. I went through the long 1 hour waits to pick my son up because she would "go to the store" minutes before she knew I would be there (phoned ahead) and that kind of stuff, I would say, not a problem figured you where getting something for Brandon. That always got her.

Then treat your child as if he/she is your child, not a divorced object. I never treated my son differant, he was always my son who sometimes was with me, sometimes with his mother. Now my son tells me that all of his friends are jealous because his dad is so "cool" because I treat him like a son/friend. Did I lose some stuff during the years, yes, you lose that growing up and showing them stuff (which your Ex will be sure to do just to make sure she does it first) but I always tried to instill that fact that I am there for him, love him and would do the anything for him.

Kids can filter out the truth from the lies over time. NEVER talk bad about the EX in front of the child, that is like showing your dark side, children will actually over time, look down on you.

Just my 2 Cents

Otto

 

I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom, but I have none.

My parents got divorced when i was 7. My dad came for visits every week end and all that. I saw him all the time. He showed up and did something fun like take me and my sister to McDonalds. He was never arond when I needed guidance, or a helping hand. He was never there to punish me when I screwed up. He was a "Good Time Dad", and I grew up hating my mother.

He was never really there when I needed guidance, and I learned how to be a man on my own.

I tried to get to know him later in life and I had really been proud of the relationship I had devoleped with him. People even envy'd me because I had such a good relationship with him. we used to get togeather for dinner a few times a month, and I even took him to a world series game last year.

He took me to my very first baseball game on my 8th birthday. It's one of my greatest memories, and 20 years later on my 28th birthday when he asked what I wanted I told him I just wanted to go to another ball game with him.

Then last year on Christmas he showed up at my mom's house and anounced he didn't want to be my dad anymore. Everything that I had been so proud of was taken from me , and for the second time in my life I was left without a father.

And it's killing me. Every single night I prey for him to just fucking die. I know it's wrong, but god damnit I want him to just fucking die. Both my most precious, and painful memories are of my father.

At 30 years old it hurts as bad as it did when I was 8.

If yoiu can be a part of your duaghters life, then do it, and do it with every thing you've got. If you can't, then walk away and never, ever look back or you'll just hurt her again.

 

I don't really have any advice or such, but I hope you win your case, and remember we are all here to help you through. =)

 

Dane

No words I have can be of any comfort for you. You are a friend and I'll help any way I can. I agree with your first statement but I must disagree with your second. I have 2 sons of my own. They mean way to much for me to ever walk away. When I became a father my life changed more than any other event in my life. It became even more important when my second son had health problems at 4 days old. You find out what you have to do in order to keep your kids safe. To be honest I would die for my family.

MTX, no matter the out come be part of your childs life. Be a dad first, no matter how much it may hurt some times. Your child is part of you. Don't let that part of your child become hated.

I'm not a religous person per say but God only gives us what we can handle.

MTX stand tall and stand proud and always be a dad to your daughter.

Thank you for serving.

 

I am in a different position than most, and in many ways am far luckier than i have any right to be. My parents were divorced when i was an infant, and they have both done their best to love me without dragging me into their disputes. I did act as a messanger boy for a long time, but i finally just told them i wouldnt do it any more several years ago. I have goten some of the splashback from their disputes, and the split custody with my mother has had some massive negative effects on my social relationships... but i will say this. I value nothing more than the love and respect of my family, both my mother, and my father.

Dont give up, because if you do, both you and your daughter will regrett it for the rest of your lives. One of the most common things i hear from people who had parents who did what you are suggesting is... they wish they had known you more than anything else in the world.