Escape from Texas!

That's right.. I'm getting the fuck out of here. YES!!!

So many people come to this god forsaken state and are doomed to live here forever, poor Throne , but I have a chance to escape.

My flight to Hawaii leaves on the 29th. I'm really excited but I do have mixed emotions about it. On the one hand I escape from this hell. On the other.. this is where my daughter lives. [dramatic]So the pain will follow me as if it were my own shadow. Stalking me.. waiting to strike me when I am weakest.[/dramatic] How does one live without their child? Yes, I get her a month here and a month there but it's not the same. I must escape. You see I am a free spirited person and this place is killing me...

I read the Bible from time to time trying to figureout how God stands on this but I come up zero. God said there is no divorce and if a woman takes another man while her husband is still alive it is a sin. What about me? Is it a sin for me to find the love of my life? Have I really commited adultry by being with another woman? Not that I'm looking for love but it would be nice to know. I'd hate to have to answer for this in Heaven.

I love my Ex. Not as a life mate but as a person very dear to me. She is the mother of my child and will always have a special place in my heart for her. I must always wish her to have the best because her prosparity benefits my daughter. I know she still has feelings for me. I feel it all the time. When we were in her car today I could really feel it. She has a lot of things she wants to say to me. I just have to make it easy for her but I feel defensive. Almost like I would rather not know because knowing would somehow hurt me. Heh, it's kinda funny. A person I loved so much is now my greatest fear. I don't know what scares me more... confronting her and actually hearing everything she has to say or knowing on some level that I never loved her enough.

This is strange for me. As many of you have guessed I'm a little out there. I'm not normal and have come to embrace this. Then again what is normal? I like to test life on a regular basis. I like to feel the adrinaline rush. Knowing that death could take me. It's a dangerous thrill but it's when I feel most alive. I'll probably listen to her before I leave. Wont that give me something to reflect on while flying to Hawaii?

I don't have the answers to everything. I have no control in my situation. All I can do is ride the wind and hope it takes me to a higher place. I guess I'm confused but I think I pulled through this whole situation pretty well. She brought my daughter back so I didn't take her back to court for contempt. I could have but in the end it wouldn't help anything.

I am now invincible. (Emotionally)

Ever see the future in your dreams? I know I sound crazy but I've seen the future in my dreams before. Not the big picture but little things and happenings. Sometimes I don't understand what it is I see until it later happens.

Ever remember the dreams you had the night before while trying to go to sleep?

 

Kansas is real?

Heh, you learn something new everyday.

 

The sky darkened as shadows over took the Enclave. Dropships slammed down on the base opening their bays to the waiting troopers while battlecruiser flew in low orbit overhead. Grabbing all the gear they could the troopers moved quickly to load the ships. There wasn't much time left but... he didn't care. In the distance he stood quietly watching them destroy his enemy. The desert sun burning down on him as if to mock is inability to destroy her. He watched as her forces were overpowered by the Zerg. Her soldiers stood their ground and fought to the bitter end but their selfless acts were not enough. Their valor did not lead them to victory. His last attack had weakend her enough for the Zerg to overwhelm her forces. Now his voctory would be theirs... and he hated them for it.

I would gladly return to Vacaville rather than be here but Hawaii seems to be the way for me. My best friend is stationed there so I am garenteed a lot of drinking and fun.

As for Kansas... well I did love the wizard of OZ but bread is the best. Without Kansas I take it there would be no subway. No.. eat fresh.

 

Capetown and Johannesburg are pretty nice. Well they were 14 years ago. Do you know if that naval school is still there in Capetown? I never did get used to the idea of "standards" instead of grades though. That really threw me off but digging in the side of a mountain and pulling out crystals never got old. If I knew what they were worth here in the US I would have kept them.


Find a good church. I think God kicks me in the ass every now and then because I sleep through Sunday. I try to sell him excuses about why I don't go but he's not buying them. I'm sure if I told him I didn't want to get up at 11 he'd say "night church". It's hard to find a good church nowadays but I don't look hard enough.